Spectre vs Rector

The trial of pop impresario Phillip Spector has taken another turn as lawyers and expert witnesses tussle over a fragment of finger nail found at the murder scene. Proof positive, say his defense attorneys, of the suicide of Lana Clarkson and, ergo, the innocence of Spector. Proof positive Spector's cleaner needs to get a new vacuum cleaner.

Phil Spector has already threatened the Ramones, the Beatles and former girlfriend Dorothy Melvin (Joan Rivers' ex-manager). He allegedly once chased Melvin before hitting her over the head with a shotgun after he suspected her of snooping in his house, looking for memorabilia to pinch. Perhaps she was trying to locate his life-sized effigy, which he made Ronnie put in the passenger seat of her car during solo trips to the shops while Phil was creating music history.

This time, Phil claims he was an innocent witness to the tragic suicide of Lana Clarkson (no relation to Jeremy). In June, he told Esquire magazine that Ms Clarkson had died in a bizarre act of suicide after "kissing" the gun. (He'd already confessed to his driver and police who attended the scene that he'd killed Ms Clarkson.) Was Mark Chapman merely letting Lennon sniff the barrel of the new revolver he had just got? And perhaps Jack Ruby just wanted Lee Harvey to feel the heft of his gun, to appreciate the balance and check out the nifty pearl inlay on the grip before … BANG, daw, shit.

He remains free on a $1 million bail and protected by his wall of sound, bizarre hairpiece collection, and Robert Shapiro, the man who got O.J. off. So his chances look good.

Phil's real crime is appearing bewigged in court as national treasure Dame Judy Dench. The Anita Dobson/Brian May fright wig he sported during his arraignment was a one-way ticket to life in gaol, but Grand Thesp Auto deserves the chair.